


Crap Telly: A Oneshot

by DivergentLunarShadowhunter



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crap Telly, Dialogue-Only, Gen, IFD2017, International Fanworks Day 2017, It was fun to write, Prompt Fic, but I don’t really care, sherlockception, this makes no sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9769343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentLunarShadowhunter/pseuds/DivergentLunarShadowhunter
Summary: A short dialogue-only fanwork of BBC’s Sherlock for International Fanworks Day 2017. Based on the prompt “What does your favorite character—or your favorite pairing—get fannish over?”Mine went a little off into something else, but I still think it could fit the prompt. Even if it doesn’t, hope you enjoy! :)





	

“What the hell are you watching?”

 

“What? Better than what you watch, at least.”

 

“No! This is- no, that is  _ not _ good television, Sherlock.”

 

“So what  _ is _ , then? Your Bond films?”

 

“Well, yeah, maybe, but I have to say they don’t have the same appeal now that I’ve actually  _ been _ as close to death as him. And that’s not a television show, it’s a movie series.”

 

“So what, then?”

 

“Anything but what you’re watching! This is crap telly!”

 

“So, I ask you again- what  _ isn’t _ ‘crap telly’, as you so elegantly put it?”

 

“Well- I don’t know! I like the older shows, the science fiction ones, like Doctor Who, Star Trek, The X Files? Maybe even Supernatural, I used to watch that years ago, but not a lot; it’s aimed at teenagers, so I didn’t watch it  _ that  _ much but...hey, I know what you’d like.”

 

“What? I’ve never even heard of any of those shows, so I doubt I’ll have heard of one that I would like.”

 

“Elementary.”

 

“Yes, I know, that’s what I was saying- where are you going?”

 

“To the computer to see if we can watch it. Oh, come on, I mean the  _ show _ ‘Elementary’. It’s about a detective...he solves cases quite like you, actually. You know, by looking at the small details and everything. I haven’t actually watched it, but I’ve heard it’s good.”

 

“It’s a pretty common technique, I’m not the only one that uses it. I  _ am _ the only consulting detective that I know of, though.”

 

“I wonder if it’s on Prime...or Netflix? I could start a free trial on either, but I don’t know which one it’s on.”

 

“Why does it matter? It’s just a TV show.”

 

“Maybe, but hopefully it won’t rot your brain like the stuff you’re watching will.”

 

“It is highly unlikely that-”

 

“It’s a saying, Sherlock. Anyways, I think it’s on Netflix. Is it called Elementary? I thought it was, but then...oh.”

 

“‘Oh’ what?”

 

“...um, nothing. Why don’t we watch Star Trek instead? I know for a fact there’s a character you’ll like. I think I called you his name once, as a matter of fact.”

 

“What? Don’t go off the topic, John. I dislike changes in subject. What were you going to say? What did you find?”

 

“That show I was saying...there  _ is  _ a show called Elementary. It’s  _ American _ .”

 

“Oh. Is that a bad thing?”

 

“Um, well, no, not exactly. It’s the fact that there’s a BBC version of it.”

 

“So?” 

 

“It- it’s called...no, it can’t be. How could it be?”

 

“Why are you so upset? It’s a show, what is it called?”

 

“It’s...it’s called  _ Sherlock _ .”

  
  


“...So?”

 

“So?! What do you mean, ‘so’? It’s a show about a  _ detective _ called  _ Sherlock _ . How is that possible?”

 

“...what year did it come out, exactly?”

 

“Why are you giving me that face? Sherlock, don’t tell me you...Christ, Sherlock!”   
  


“What? I’m not giving you a face, it’s just my face.”

 

“Sherlock…”

 

“Are you expecting me to say something?”

 

“...”

 

“...fine. I  _ might _ have gotten a phone call.”

 

“About making a  _ television show  _ about you? But how? Why didn’t you…?”   
  
“Why didn’t I what? Why didn’t I tell you about it?”

 

“Um,  _ yeah! _ ”

 

“I didn’t think it was relevant, at the time. It was only a proposal, I don’t remember what I said to them. But obviously I must have said yes.”

 

“Jesus, Sherlock. It’s here, it’s all here. You and me, and Molly and Mycroft and Mrs. Hudson, ...what must your brother think of this? People know who you are, they know who I am, there’s probably some fanfiction out there...but now there are  _ two television shows _ chronicling our lives? That’s just messed up.”

 

“Oh, I don’t doubt my brother keeps close tabs on both networks to keep them from breaking  _ too _ much of the Official Secrets Act. They probably only know about the more public cases- Moriarty and the lot, possibly other cases from your blog.”

 

“But what do they even do? Sherlock, there are two sets of actors out there who are  _ us _ . There are people out there who write  _ scripts _ based on us and what they think we would say. Doesn’t that creep you out at all?”

 

“Maybe, but it’s not the big deal you’re making it out to be.”

 

“Sherlock, you don’t understand. Your fandom-  _ our  _ fandom- it’s insane! Open Tumblr, search your name and boom, fanfiction and fanart and meta posts and who knows what else!”

 

“Are you aware that I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about?”

 

“Probably. I don’t even know why  _ I  _ know about this stuff. Tumblr is a website, apparently where people post about fandoms, mostly. Fandoms are just groups of people that are fans of a specific book or movie or television show or play or anything like that.”

 

“So what does this have to do with me?”

 

“People are  _ writing  _ about us! They- they ship us, apparently. Wow, the fanart. Oh-kay, then. Closing that tab  _ right now _ . Did not need to see that.”

 

“Ship us? What does that mean?”

 

“Johnlock, that’s our ship name, apparently. Then there’s more with you- Sherlolly, Adlock...woah, hold up,  _ Mystrade _ ? Who the hell…?”

 

“...Do you mean people are pairing us in a romantic relationship?”

 

“Yes, I do. And apparently some fans pair Greg and Mycroft together. They’ve barely even met! How can people ship them?”

 

“No idea. Do they realize none of us are openly homosexual? Do they assume we are? Are the characters in the show homosexual?”

 

“The fans seem to think so.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Well…”

 

“Well what?”

 

“...You wanna watch it?”

  
“Why not?”

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Do you think Molly watches it? That would be a bit awkward, wouldn’t it? Also, for the sake of preventing too much Sherlockception, let’s just say the show ‘Sherlock’ that John finds isn’t *exactly* the show our fandom adores...the Official Secrets Act would have prevented the filming of most of their cases, so they’re watching a slightly different version I guess. Plus I guess the actors couldn’t look exactly like them...oh god what have I created!! Whatever, create whatever headcanon you like about it, or just leave and forget this exists (mebbe after leaving a kudos first but I’m not that annoying).
> 
> Aaannyyywaayyss, I need to go to bed. Happy IFD2017!
> 
> ~Divergent. Lunar. Shadowhunter.


End file.
